Reality
by Verlorenne
Summary: Squall has just too much pain from his memory of getting raped. What can Seifer do to heal it? [SxS] Two shot, yaoi
1. Part I

'What do you want from me?'

'Nothing, absolutely nothing but your…'

'Go away! You don't…'

'Stay…'

A sudden outcry came from the boy's room. Then, there was silence back again except his harsh breathing. Tears fell from his eyes without him even knowing…again. Betrayal was hard to accept.

"What's wrong?"

"….Nothing."

"Nightmares, perhaps?"

"No, it's nothing. Go away."

"You were crying again, I know."

"I said go away."

As steps were drawn close to the boy, he felt his lips moistened. He spitefully slapped away his face, and the blonde just stood there, lightly smiling at him with fresh blood running through his lips.

"I told you."

"Get out!"

"You are crying."

"Shut up and just get out of my face!"

"You need something?"

"No, Seifer. Please go away."

"I'm not going to leave you alone."

The brunette stood up from his bed to walk out of his room until he was pulled roughly to the wall. There was Seifer's usual teasing expression, and along with it, Squall felt his hands reaching under his shirt. Squall tried to resist, but Seifer was holding him too tight even with one hand. As the hands crawled down under his pants, he led out a gasp.

"Let, go!"

"Weakling."

"Stop!"

"Do you want _me_ to rape you this time?"

Tears gathered around his eyes although he was biting his lips down until blood ran. The blonde sighed, shaking his head, and released his grip.

"You're so fragile."

"….."

"I can't even force you now."

With a soft kiss on the brunette's cheeks, the blonde left. Squall collapsed on his knees, with his head leaned against the wall. His memories had brought too much pain, causing every single thing on his mind just to scatter around everywhere. He tried to face it, but it became so useless when there was someone that was just too powerful for him to resist. He wanted to cry out something, but he became mute. Only pain and tears were left in him, waiting for him to let it out.

Both his physical and mental strength had weakened, and he was forced to rest. Several people came to visit him, but he never answered anyone with his true unspeakable mind. Yet, Seifer was the only one who knew what really happened, well, almost of what really happened and everyone else believed that he was just injured from a battle or something.

He didn't go out after that day when he was harassed in his very own room. When Seifer had first found him sitting on the bed unclothed just with a sheet around him, he laughed at him. Then he realized Squall's hand just shaking with terrible fright in his eyes and quickly reached for him. However, Squall did not let him get close at all. Five or so days passed, but there seemed to be no improvement.

"Don't leave…" Squall muttered on the floor, "me alone…"


	2. Part II

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVIII. I'm just writing this for myself.

**Reality**: Part II

_The big hands… that wrapped my skin. I can't forget the feeling. I can't stand it, I can't! Why couldn't I resist it? I tried, but I couldn't. His grasp was too strong, just like… Seifer's. It's absolutely impossible that it was Seifer who came into my room and just… held me like that. I know he's just toying with me despite of my own feelings. If he was going to, he would have just done it, revealing his wicked smile in front of my face. Pitiful… _

'Wake up, idiot.'

Squall slightly frowned as the blonde sat him upright. It was still midnight, around 1:00.

"Seifer"

"That's right. What were you doing sleeping on the floor like that?"

Without thinking, the brunette hugged Seifer tightly ever than before. Seifer was stunned, but he managed to relax and patted his back.

"Squall…"

"Seifer, Seifer, Seifer…!"

"Squall…"

"I waited for you to return."

"I was waiting for that." He laughed quietly.

The grasp on Seifer tightened so much that it was becoming painful, but he stayed still.

"Seifer…"

"Painful, was it?"

"Seifer…"

Squall only repeated his name. Relieved, he closed his eyes and loosened his arms, but this time, Seifer did not let go. Little surprised, Squall looked at the blonde's face. It wasn't the usual expression he had on. It was somber and demanding.

"I can't forgive that person."

"…you…"

"After I had tried so hard to push away my desire and anxiety…"

"I don't…get…"

"I love you."

"Seifer…"

"I love you, but words have no meaning. I want to touch you, I want to dirty you with my flesh, and I want to devour you."

"What are you saying…?"

"I'm saying… If you don't get out of my sight until ten seconds, I'm going to do what that man did to you."

The blonde closed his eyes. _You know you mustn't do this, Seifer. Don't give him pain; you'll just end up like that guy_… His heart was aching without even him knowing. He always had suppressed himself and his desires to guard Squall away from his lustful mind. He had eaten up Squall's body and soul numerous times in his thoughts. He so longed for his body…

"Do you know how I feel…?"  
When Seifer finally opened his eyes, the brunette just stood there, naked.

"What…?"

"You can have me. I want you to. I always did."

"Do you know what you're saying?" yelled Seifer, trying to turn his eyes away as he covered his mouth.

"If you can just wash away the pain I hold inside me…"

"No, don't give yourself so easily like that. Are you a prostitute?"

The blonde did not let Squall finish. He knew it was wrong. He knew it was just Squall, who had lost his ways, was just desperate to find something to hold onto.

"I…"

He held his tears tight.

"You're going to make me insane. Please, go!"

"Seifer…"

Squall kneeled beside Seifer. He wanted to say what was inside him, but he couldn't get it out. _Does he not like me? I was just a toy after all, then_…

"Toy with me."

"What!"

The blonde frowned. He was giving him pain, that was it.

"I'm a toy, right? Toy with me, then throw me away."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Why! Why won't you even do that for me!"

A dark shadow drew near Seifer's face. _You tempted me too much that you convince me now_.

"Do you really… want I want to do?"

Squall hesitated, but lowered his head. With that, Seifer quickly pushed Squall against the wall, just like the hour before, except he wasn't joking this time. Squall led out a small gasp in pain, but the blonde did not care. As Seifer's tongue forced its way in his mouth, Squall tried to push his well-built upper body away, but he did not budge at all. As his grasp on his hands tensed, Squall led out a whimper. The blonde's lips sharpened Squall's senses as it went from his side of his neck to between his chests.

"S… Stop…"

"You wanted it."

The blonde tied a belt around his wrists and hung it around the metal wall lamp. Then Squall felt his hands exploring his stiff body, not well-built as Seifer's. As the blonde kissed his left nipple, he grabbed his cock with one of his hand, while the other hand ran through his inner side under his arms. Squall led out a gasp, sweating.

"… Stop, please…"

No answer came back even as tears rolled down his eyes until Seifer replied,

"You're getting seduced, aren't you? Aroused?"

Seifer soon licked the liquid from his cock with both of his hands holding his inner thighs and pleasantly he took off his own shirt.

"Seifer!"

He stopped at a sudden cry. When he looked at him, he saw Squall filled up with tears, repeatedly saying 'stop.'

The blonde painfully smiled. _Why did I get tricked_… He wondered. _I just did the same thing_. He slammed the wall beside Squall.

"I'm…sorry, Seifer…" Squall muttered.

_No, you don't have to be sorry for anything, Squall. I'm sorry. I was supposed to keep myself. I was supposed to protect you from me. I'm sorry, Squall. I'm so sorry I made you like this. I'm so sorry. _

"I told you, you won't like it."

Seifer turned away his face and untied the belt. His heart ached as he saw the red marks on his two wrists. He threw the clothes back at him, but Squall just stood there holding the clothes on his arms.

"I know that it's nothing but just a… mortal shell… Seifer, but… I don't want to see you… so… different."

_That's the real part of me…The sinful, wicked part that wants to torture you until you die. _

"Like you said, I was just toying with you."

_No, you weren't Seifer… I know…. _

"I know… Seifer… I'm sorry. I just needed, I just needed someone… I was foolish… I thought… I loved you, so I thought you could heal me from the pain."

_I couldn't, I know. I couldn't ever. _

"Yeah, I just used you for myself to enjoy while you were at a shock."

_It doesn't hurt to lie, but you will get hurt I know, and that's what is hurting me… _

"It… wasn't… that I thought I loved you… I did love you."

_And I still do, but that won't matter, would it? _

"Go to Zell. I'm sure he can help you truthfully than me."

_You see, I couldn't do anything but to hurt you even more. But I have no regrets—just that I wish I knew more sooner, so I could have had the time to love you more. I wish we could have loved each other at the right moment. _

As they turned their back to each other, both of them held their throbbing chest tightly. Then Seifer finally left...

The End but continued in the sequel


End file.
